Brands in the age of condolence: Part 2

Dear brands,

Sorry for the formality but there are too many of you to mention by name.

Thank you all for your kind messages of condolence on the death of the Queen – or, as some of you regretfully say, ‘passing’. Thank you also for the history lessons, in which you helpfully point out how Her Majesty had dedicated her life to service for her country and the Commonwealth for 70 years. If only there had been some other recent reminder of this, like – oh, I don’t know, a Platinum Jubilee?

And thank you for telling me about her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. I wouldn’t have known much about them because they so rarely feature in the news. Which one is Harry?

But I am a tad confused. I don’t know why you are writing to me. One brand explained that I was receiving their message of condolence because I had purchased an item from them in the past. Blimey! I’ll look at that pair of socks differently in future. With more respect, perhaps? Maybe a curtsey.

I’m also bemused by your claim to be my family. My mother is the seventh child of another seventh child, and my father was one of nine, so there are a lot of cousins and second cousins to account for, but I’m sure I would have remembered you. Were you at Elaine’s wedding? Emily’s First Communion? I don’t recall a card after my father died, but it’s so long ago now and the old mind plays tricks.

It’s all nonsense, isn’t it? It’s like those PR agencies who issue press releases about competitions they’re running to offer an hour of free PR advice to one lucky company. It’s ‘look at me, I care’. We all care, but we don’t choose to shriek about it from the rooftops. It smacks of cynicism. Or maybe that’s just my opinion?

Please do send your condolences to the Royal Family, after all it is they who knew and enjoyed a close relationship with Her Majesty. It is they who need your sympathies and support. But I really do not need to be included.

Your faithful servant et cetera, et cetera,