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I've been hearing something about a gross national happiness index. Is somebody having a laugh?

Well, that might boost the index! From April, government statisticians will attempt to measure our happiness levels. They think that it might prove a better measure of our quality of life than the traditional gross domestic product index.

It sounds a bit ridiculous to me.

David Cameron argues that GDP is too narrow. Binge drinking, for example, may boost economic growth but it can also lead to anti social behaviour, which has a negative impact on standards of living.

Surely happiness is relative? I would be ecstatic if I bought a pair of Jimmy Choos, but my bank manager would have a fit.

You have a point. The statisticians will ask questions like (and I'm paraphrasing) 'is there meaning and purpose in your life?'

Blimey! That's a bit deep. I think owning a pair of Jimmy Choos would add meaning and purpose, so I'd say yes.

Yes is not an option. The statisticians will ask you to answer on a scale of one to ten.

What, like a quiz in Cosmopolitan? If I answer mostly sevens, will they tell me what that says about me? 'Mostly optimistic, but susceptible to mood swings (especially around time of the month)'.

I suspect most people will tend to answer six or seven, and I'm not sure that a happiness index of six sounds that positive!

What happens if it shows we're a nation of depressed people? Will the government do something to make us happier? Free Jimmy Choos should do it!

Would you stop about the Jimmy Choos! As far as I'm aware, there will be no government policy to boost happiness.

What's the point then?

I'd be far happier without answering silly questions.

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