CorpComms Magazine

While it might be an appalling social faux pas to be the first to arrive at an event, it is far more daunting to arrive halfway through the function only to discover that there are no familiar faces in the room. According to networking experts, however, the answer is to walk into the room with a confident expression and ready smile and - if at all possible - a few handy notes on the other guests in the back pocket or handbag.

'My starting point is that inner confidence is crucial,' explains Gael Lindenfield, a psychotherapist specialising in confidence building and assertive communications. 'Before you even enter the room, take some time out to mentally list your achievements.'

Lindenfield believes the best networkers are those who understand that 'it is all about being yourself. Networking is a process of building relationships and is a long-term investment. But first and foremost it is about establishing the nature of trust and whether one person likes another - and to do that you need to be yourself. If your body language doesn't match the persona you're displaying, it comes across as a ploy.'

An author of 19 books on networking, Lindenfield believes exchanging business cards and starting the sales spiel the moment hands are shaken is a turn-off for most people. 'Look relaxed,' she advises. 'If you show that you are genuinely comfortable in this situation, you will meet people because they will be attracted by your confidence.' Gay Collins, managing director at Penrose PR, agrees. 'I think it's important to keep moving around and looking like you are enjoying yourself,' she says. 'Never look back over your shoulder because the person you are talking to will think you are not interested in him or her. And I always make sure I don't allow the waiters to fill my glass too high, which allows me to extricate myself from situations by saying, I'm off to get a top-up. Can I get you something?'

Sober advice

All the experts agree that there is one golden rule about successful networking: avoid getting excessively drunk. 'The trick is to stay sober; this allows you to pick up some useful intelligence from the other guests as they become more relaxed - that is, after all, what it's all about,' says Emma Kane, chief executive of Redleaf PR.

Some people claim to need a good dose of Dutch courage to cope with a social event, but Will Kintish, founder of Manchester-based networking consultancy Kintish, believes a better icebreaker is to find something in common. 'You will always have something in common,' he promises. 'If you are at an event as a guest, the thing you have in common is obviously the people who invited you. If you are at a conference or seminar, you might ask, What are you hoping to learn today?'

Kintish believes it is not the question that is important, but the fact that the question can prompt a discussion that can then lead to a general conversation and establish a contact. 'I have heard it said on a number of occasions, You're a born networker; you can either do it or you can't. As someone who spends all his time showing people how simple and effective it can be, I believe that statement to be nonsense,' he says. 'As long as people wish to learn the techniques and then practise them, it takes little time to move from a novice to an experienced networker.'

Make friends and influence people

Size does matter - when it comes to groups. 'A two-person gathering is the trickiest group to handle if you wish to network,' says Collins. 'I always try to make it at least three, which means involving others. If you are smiling and appear to be having a good time, people come up to introduce themselves and get included in the group. This makes it easier for you to excuse yourself from that group so you can go and meet other people.' In many ways, Collins is an exception. Lindenfield's research has found that women traditionally find it far harder than men to move along in a social environment. 'Women take responsibility for other people and don't want to leave other guests by themselves,' she explains. 'They need to practise walking away and feeling okay about it. They need to remember that they are there for themselves, not to rescue other people.

'Men don't mind so much going into a big gathering and introducing themselves to people, even though privately they might be scared to death by the prospect. But women feel it is up to them to keep an intelligent conversation flowing, which makes it harder for them to just move away.'

Some people find it easier to network at a daytime event, such as a seminar or conference, when the opportunity to talk to others is restricted to coffee breaks and, perhaps, a short break for lunch. Networking experts agree most people find it harder to network at a cocktail party or evening function when there is a longer period in which to engage with others. However, as these events usually take place out of hours, it is probably even more important that the time spent at them is used effectively.

The Communication Directors Forum, which takes place in May aboard the cruise ship Oriana, is seen as a unique networking event because it includes both daytime and evening events, where dressing up is required, and it takes place on a boat - preventing a quick getaway. The bonding factor is that most delegates are in the same industry.

'A lot of people are fine in a business setting when they can talk about work,' says Lindenfield. 'But they don't know how to handle themselves in a more social setting, where there might be more personal conversation. They might have private issues, such as a divorce or marriage problem, going on. They should go prepared for a discussion where such issues might crop up, but work out in advance how much is appropriate to say. After all, it's not a counselling session.'

Kane believes 'lots of people miss a trick' at social events. 'You have a face-to-face opportunity with people who are interested in hearing from you,' she points out. 'It is not the time to stand around drinking coffee with people you already know.' Kintish, however, acknowledges that some people work a room better when they have a colleague by their side. He believes it is often acceptable to ring the organisers and request a second invitation. 'Hunt in pairs,' he recommends. 'But when it starts to get easier, aim to approach people on your own.'

Keep a civil tongue

Successful networkers never butt into other people's conversations, but might approach when there is a lull in the discussion to introduce themselves. They usually approach groups they feel comfortable with, perhaps all male or middle-aged, but never make themselves the centre of attention.

'Listening is far more important than talking in these situations, and it is a major skill,' explains Lindenfield. 'If you listen you find out more about the other people in the group; people usually like to talk about themselves.'

Kintish recommends that attendees should aim to talk to three new people at every work-related function, and discover three new pieces of information or gossip. Occasionally, if a guest list is available in advance, it is advisable to do some research on other attendees and then work the room looking for the key contacts you want to make. 'I'll always scan the table plan at an awards ceremony,' admits Collins. 'And I'll work out which tables I want to go up to in order to meet certain people.'

Collins also admits there are occasions when even she lacks the energy to work the room. 'Mostly, however, I really look forward to events - you never know just who you might meet,' she beams.

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